ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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