ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I just blew my weed a kiss
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
