i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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