i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
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