I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
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