i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I showed him my bush... on skype.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
