I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Randomize
