I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
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