JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
