so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
