I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
