who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
