i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
