You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
