You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Randomize
