you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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