I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
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