were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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