It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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