The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
You were trust falling into bushes
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Randomize
