I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
