unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
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