I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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