I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
How drunk are you?
Completed.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
