Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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