so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
When did we convert life to cartoon?
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
