Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Randomize
