i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
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