No awkward lesbian experiences without me
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
