Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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