Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Randomize
