I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
