I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
the liver wants what the liver wants
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
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