dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize
