What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
