redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Randomize
