On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
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