I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
