I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
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