Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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