Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Reggie can tackle my bush.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Randomize
