the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
