and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Randomize
