we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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