You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
how drunk are you?
Several
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
