I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Randomize
