Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
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