we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
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