Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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