Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I am mentally ready for anal.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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