where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
