i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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