When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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