I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I am mentally ready for anal.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
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