What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
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