Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
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