I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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