we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
